A HELP BEFORE HIM

“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a help before him.” (Gen. 2:18) is one of the most profound and meaningful verses in the Torah, which opens the door to a reflection on the nature of the human being and the meaning of relationships, particularly that of the couple. This verse underscores a fundamental principle of Jewish spirituality: man is a relational being, created to live in connection with others, and especially with a partner who shares and enriches his life. In the Torah to affirm “It is not good for the man to be alone” is the divine Transcendence itself, which knows well what the condition of oneness and the loneliness it entails means, having been completely alone until the Creation and having a unique nature that cannot be replicated in any way. 

The human being, who is not male as it is often said but was created androgynous and thus with the characteristics of the masculine and the feminine combined, is then split in two, precisely to generate what the verse calls “a help before him.” This idea of help is central. In Jewish liturgy there is a passage that reads, “Rock of Israel, rise up with the help of Israel,” where the rather bold idea is evoked that even Transcendence needs not to be alone, to be supported by humanity in order to express its potential. How does this take place? Through witness. Indeed, the prophet Isaiah attributes the words “You are my witnesses, and I am God” (Is. 43:12) to the Transcendence, recalling the role of the people of Israel as witness to the transcendent presence and work in the world. Thus the witnessing is the help. And it is a fundamental support. In the Midrash we find an interpretation of this verse that is rendered as follows: “If you are my witnesses, then I am God, but if you are not my witnesses, then it is as if I am not God.” (Sifra Devarim 346) Almost as if it is the presence of the witness that makes something alive and real that would otherwise be in danger of going completely unnoticed. 

If we apply the same idea to the human concept of “a help before him” we understand this fundamental idea.

In the verse “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18), The Transcendence recognizes not only the inherent need for human beings to live in relationship, but a relationship that is a mutual witness, a way to be seen, understood and loved by someone else by stepping out of the dimension of anonymity.

In the beautiful film Shall We Dance one of the main characters expresses it this way: “We marry because we need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.”

The couple is thus the context in which two people can truly make sense of each other's lives through witnessing, which transforms a potentially anonymous and unnoticed existence into a unique, shared and meaningful narrative.